Balance

How do I manage a full-time and high-labour job, pageantry, all while taking care of myself? The short answer is… I don’t know! Obviously my job is my job, I have to keep it otherwise I won’t be able to live or compete in pageants (sad face), but the best way to describe my motivation is that I am so incredibly passionate about my advocacy, and the sisterhood that pageantry has offered me. I definitely show my stress through my Borderline Personality Disorder, and people have told me that whenever a competition is close I get very tense and distressed, which becomes visible to the people around me. However, I have gotten better through finding the balance of taking care of myself and considering my own needs. During nationals 2024 I only got 4 hours of sleep each night and was living off anxiety and energy drinks. I was so focused on winning, and didn’t take my own health (physical and mental) into account, which ultimately led me to performing worse than I potentially could have. Following nationals I took some time to myself to just really re-discover who I wanted to be, because I was trying to be someone that I wasn’t. I obviously carried out with my platform during this time because it allowed me to express myself freely and I managed to grow my advocacy during this time. I spent the Fall and Winter seasons bringing out my true self and finding myself again by spending time with the people I love who showed me what I need to value each day. During this time I was still working, but I had hardly any pageant prep on my mind and I had set a few platform initiatives so I had time to relax. Come the new year, though, pageant prep was injected into my brain like a virus. Pageant season had officially begun, but this time around, I understood that I needed to remember the balance I needed between taking time for myself and spending it on other things, for the sake of my mental wellbeing and, quite frankly, for the people around me as well. I realize that me doing this for myself is most likely the reason I feel more relaxed to be going into this pageant than before. I always got so nervous I would get to the point that my whole body was shaking, and felt physically ill. This time around I feel calm and self assured knowing that I’ll walk in there with compassion and elegance, carrying myself with grace and empowerment while promoting myself as a strong advocate for my platform which is dear to my heart. That is another reason why I am so motivated to dedicate myself to this advocacy, because it is truly just a painting of how I live. If you want to get to know me, you just need to follow along my journey and you’ll learn all my secrets. With all of this being said, pageant weekend is 4 days away and I am so excited to see what opportunities it has to offer me.