Growth

Change is hard. Everybody knows this, everybody hates change. You get comfortable in your lifestyle, after adapting from the last milestone. However, people need change. They need it for the better, it is a life lesson to accept change. As a titleholder in pageantry, things are always changing, all the time, when you least expect it. In the last year of my pageant journey, my mindset grew immensely. I went from a shy, reserved girl to an open and resilient woman. Change comes within yourself and learning to be okay with being who you are is extremely difficult for me, as I sometimes do not even know what my personality is like. Sometimes I feel like a stranger to myself, like I’m inside someone else’s body. Dissociation is a major side effect of Borderline Personality Disorder, you lose your own sense of identity and you don’t even recognize Earth. To me, when I dissociate, I feel like the world isn’t real. That I’m watching through a screen or living a false reality. To go into pageantry, it gives me a sense of self. It gives me a purpose, and reminds me of who I am. From my first ever pageant, to my most recent, I would consider myself a beacon of growth. I decided that being negative towards myself and opportunities was only bad for my mental health. Taking the high road and not letting people affect me, but rather push me to keep going changed my overall happiness. Pageant queens are often overlooked as just beautiful, yet they are way more than that. We are resilient, passionate, impactful, empowering, and caring human beings who only want to make the world a better place for not only women, but everyone. Being around your friends and sisterhood is so uplifting because everyone is only your biggest supporter. Sometimes, things get tough between you and your pageant girls because they eventually become your competition, making their mindset a little clouded on what their true values should be. I try to remind myself that at the end of the day, the love and support I get from my friends is all that really matters because they are rooting for you. Staying in this mental state does not come with ease, but I promise that when you decide to put things in a positive perspective, your world gets brighter. I live in my own place, have a full time job, have 3 pets and many more responsibilities. Life can get super hard when you finally go out on your own. But it helps you grow, and become more open to the opportunities that come towards you. It’s scary as hell though. As long as you surround yourself with positive people who support you, a path of guidance will come to you.